Words cannot express

Words cannot express how much I miss my Sassy baby girl!

I was not the BEST mother that I could be to Sassy.  I admit I did not walk her as often as I should have and that is one thing I regret.  I became complacent and lazy... I wish I had a little more time to make it up to her.  I want to make sure that Sydney is taken care of... I'm going to love her with all that I have and walk her as often as I can.

Monica is moving out in a few months and taking Sydney with her... I honestly do NOT know what I'm going to do with myself! :'(

So, before I met Monica when an animal died, we would bury them.  Well, their family cremates their animals which I thought was the creepiest/strangest thing ever.  Yeah well, I got Sassy cremated.  (Don't judge or get weirded out).  My brother and dad dug a hole to put Sassy in the day she passed away... so with that hole I am going to put some of Sassy in the hole and cover it back up... the hole is where her favorite place to dig was at. :)

I do not know when I will get the test results back on Sassy, but I am hoping that whatever she had was hereditary.  Then I will know that she was placed in my life on purpose for her short time here! (if that makes sense).  I don't know that I could live with myself if she got into something around the house.

EVERYTHING makes me think of Sassy and cry... taking Sydney for a walk, driving my car, squeaking a toy and soo much more!  I'm sure a lot of people think I am crazy for being this upset about this, but this was MY first animal (besides Lightning... but cats basically take care of themselves).

It's going to be a looong road and take a long time to heal.


And as far as the "all dogs go to heaven"... from what I have read... that's not true... nowhere in the Bible does it mention animals... as in dogs or cats... But I hope that there really are!  How can God create such amazing animals and they not be in Heaven?!



**Prayers are needed that I stop blaming myself for all of this and that I can forgive and stop being angry at work for not letting me off to bring her to the vet!

**Prayers also... it could just be my mind wanting me to think this... but Sydney has been going to the bathroom quite a bit lately and that is exactly how Sassy started out... so that is really starting to scare me!


I am picking up Sassy's cremains in the morning.  I don't know if that is going to make this any easier or harder.