Shattered

My heart is shattered into a million pieces!

I am mad at myself for not bringing Sassy to the vet sooner, mad at my boss for not letting me off today, and mad at God for letting this happen!!!  She might still be alive!  When Sassy first got sick I prayed and prayed and prayed that God would take care of her and that I couldn't handle her dying, but He let me down... BIG time!! She was dying this morning when I had to leave for work!  Why didn't I get someone to bring her to the vet anyone.  Why isn't she alive to greet me when I walk in the door?

I just want one more day to be with her... one more day to take her for a walk... one more day to see her smile... one more day to be around her very sassy attitude.  I just want one more day to be with my baby!!

So angry, so confused, so sad, so numb!!! This is just one horrible nightmare that I am hoping to wake up from tomorrow.  I can't imagine my life without her!!! Like I said in yesterday's post... she has been by my side EVERY SINGLE DAY for almost 3 years.  Every time I thought about the future... it was about me and Sassy... getting a house together.... going on car rides... taking her for a walk... playing in the snow... playing frisbee golf... going to the park... going swimming... their being my children's first pet... her telling me if she liked a future boyfriend... being in my engagement photos...but now I will have none of that! :'(  I was about to sand a chest and repaint it to use as their toy chest; I'm still going to do that.

There is no dog on this planet that could EVER replace Sassy or even come close to being as special as she was to me.  Why God, why did you have to take her?!

There is a huge empty hole in my life.  Monica just bought Sydney and Sassy new food bowls and a leash where we could walk both of the dogs on one leash without them getting tangled.  I wish I had been a better mother to Sassy... I wish I would have played with her more, loved on her more, took her to the park more and walked her more. :'(

She wasn't even 4 years old... how could be get so sick so fast?!

Nowhere in the Bible does it mention (that I know of) animals being in Heaven, because they don't have souls like humans do... but if God is the amazing God He says He is... then animals have to be in Heaven... right?!!