Depression

I haven't worked in over 2 months. During this time I have become very depressed.  I left a great job with amazing co-workers to have all of my hours cut at a place that I thought would be a dream job.  I look back on this decision and wish I could rewind and erase the last 6 months of my life.  I have met some pretty incredible people in the past few months; such as one little girl, Addison.  She has stolen a piece of my heart forever!

I keep thinking about how much of a mistake it was to take this job and how much I regret it, but then at the same time it has all happened for a reason because now I can take and pick up my cousins from school.

I actually got scheduled to work last week, which I was incredibly grateful for because I was down to my last $20.  But I got there and I think I was more depressed to be there than I have been in the past 2 months.  I'm just not happy there... Then I read the "On this day, God wants you to know..."  

That it is also important to know what you do not want. 

Sometimes when you go through a period of great difficulty and struggle,

it is so that you can finally realize what you do NOT want in your life.

Then, finally, at long last, you can

embrace what you DO want.

That is exactly what I have been struggling with for the longest time.  I told myself after TMF I would not work with kids again... and what do I go and do?  A few weeks into my new job I wanted to quit, because I hated it and wasn't happy.  I do NOT want to work there anymore, but what's holding me back is... 

1. I need any bit of $ that I can get.

2. Nowhere else will hire me because I have no experience

I WANT to order my personal training study material BUT 
I don't want to use the $ I have saved off for that just in case something happens and I need it.
Also, part of it is fear.  Once I get done with that, then I have to get a real job and actually be a grown up... which scares me.


SO MANY DECISIONS AND I DON'T KNOW WHICH TO CHOOSE!!! :-o :-/