Regrets, lessons learned, or hidden opportunities?

God has you where you are for a reason. He has a purpose for you being there.

You've got to take some chances, you've got to be willing to risk losing it all. Sometimes all you can do is close your eyes and leap because it might be worth the fall.I took that leap of faith, but when I hit the ledge, it broke. I gave it all up...a steady job and income... for what I thought was going to be better. In some ways it was better, in others not so much.


But what have I learned from this experience?
I learned what my passion is not.  I'm trying to see this as a way out of what I do not enjoy. It's not how I wished for it happen, but I cannot change that. I have to play the cards I've been dealt and do the best I can.

You only ever grow as a person when you are outside your comfort zone.

This is way outside my comfort zone because I like to be in control and things be steady, but I am currently on a rocky and windy road....

What God is showing me through all of this is...
      Faith and trust in Him for sure!

      And I think He is ready for me to stop running from my fears and begin to face them & start fighting for what I really want!

One way that I have to stop running from my fears is... someone asked me if I could train them! :-o I have no clue what I am doing but it's time to learn. 

*I have enough $ to purchase the study materials for the certification :-o It's freaking me out a little... okay a lot! The program and bundle that I am buying includes an exam voucher good for one-year... so next year this time I will definitely be certified! How exciting! :D

I am ready to change and turn my life around.  I read an article the other that my amazing friend Melanie was interviewed for and it has motivated me to get healthy.  Over the next few months I going to be cleaning the entire house... I'm excited to get to the kitchen part of this cleaning adventure... I'm taking out all the bad and replacing with all the good! :) I'm also in the cooking mood and trying to new foods. (Please share any healthy recipes please!)

It's time to be an example and live the lifestyle I am trying to get others to live as well.

A quote I came across this morning, "Sometimes things in life turn out differently then what we planned, but that is just our path changing because we have changed."

Although things are most definitely not as I had planned.... It is going to turn out way better. It's time to get ready because it's coming fast!

So, do I consider this situation in my life a regret, a lesson learned or a hidden opportunity...

-Well it started out as regret. Up until this afternoon I regretted my decision for leaving TMF.

 -Then it turned into a lesson learned.  The lesson being, don't leave something good, just because you want out for something "better" that you still have an uneasy feeling about... but if I didn't take the new job I would have always wondered what-if...

-And now it has become a hidden opportunity because if I had stayed at TMF, I would have continued to put off getting my certification.

Full of emotions

I heard someone say once, "fake it 'til you make it."  My question is... what do you do when you are tired of "faking it," but you haven't "made it" yet?

Today has been full of emotions... stress, anger, annoyance, joy, excitement and anxiety.

Work is explained by the first three emotions.  

Driving to the gym this afternoon I was a bit nervous, because I haven't worked out at the gym all summer.  I was in the middle of my workout on the elliptical and all I could do is smile!  I only did 30 minutes at a slow speed, but it's the beginning of something amazing!  I have a long journey ahead of me... but I think this time it's really going to happen.  *PRAY that it DOES happen this time!! Pray that I do NOT get lazy and apathetic!*

After I came home from the gym I began looking up other companies for my certification.  I think I know who I am going to get my certification from, at least to start off with.  I am so excited to get started studying and everything, but I am so nervous and anxious about the exam and everything that I will forget everything and fail.

Be Strong.

I wrote this about 2 weeks ago...
God has you where you are for a reason.  He has a purpose for you being there.  When that purpose is completed He will move you to the next place that He needs you.  But how do you know you are the place you should be?  How do you know you didn't make a mistake?

God wouldn't have opened this door and it peak my interest if there was not a reason behind it. I wouldn't have taken this job if I didn't think it was going to be a good thing.  I have been there for 2 weeks and it's not what I expected at all.  But there has to be a purpose for me there!

So, why does it hurt so bad to think about saying goodbye to TMF?!  As much as I complained about my job at TMF and how much I wanted out... That's not the case anymore.  I have cried more tears in the last few weeks/days then in a looong time!  And I know it's only going to get harder as these next 2 weeks pass and my days come to an end.


And this is from today....
Well, those 2 weeks have come and end tomorrow.  Tomorrow is my last day at TMF.  I have SO many mixed emotions.  I was doing okay until I left work tonight & realized that was going to be the last time I saw some of those kids.  I hate goodbyes... they are the hardest thing for me!  How do you say goodbye to your family?  Yes, I know they are only 30 minutes away, but it's never going to be the same again.  I miss them, and I haven't even left yet.

I keep thinking about the "what-ifs."  What if I had never seen people posting about XTC on facebook... What if I had not taken vacation that week and heard people talking about the kickboxing class there and the new building and childcare...  What if I had never applied for a job there... What if I had never gotten an interview, but less a job offer... What ifs.. I may never know the answer.  Would I be happy staying at TMF?  Maybe, maybe not.  What I do know is there are some VERY special people there that I am leaving behind! :'(  I wish I could take them all with me, but I can't.  I have to stop thinking about the "what-ifs" and start thinking about the "what-is" now.

None of those kids at TMF will ever remember who I am, but I know I will never forget them and how much they have impacted my life!!


God has a plan.  He has a purpose for me.  I just have to trust that.  Although it's going to be extremely hard tomorrow... God has something amazing He wants to do with my life and I don't think it was going to happen with me staying where I was comfortable.

Being strong doesn't mean you don't cry yourself to sleep.  

It means holding yourself together and doing what needs to be done.  

And trusting that the Lord has great things ahead for you!

My life has been forever change because of the people I have met in the last year!!  Lindale has some very amazing people that I am thankful that I have been able to be apart of their lives.

Excitement!

My first week at my new job has been incredible! :D  I've already grown to LOVE my kiddos... already have a few that are my faves! ;-)  My boss is super amazing!  Love her!  It is such a positive and energized environment! 

As an employee everyone has to work out at least twice/week.... so today I am going to try out the gym! :)  Yay for getting back to working out! :D

My Shakeology came in!!! :D :D  I had it for lunch today!! It's SOO good!!  I cannot wait until I start selling it... which might be a while 'cause my life it too hectic to add something else to the mix!

Working 2 jobs.  Taking a summer class at UT Tyler.  Trying to get fall financial aid taken care of.  

But life is good... today... 'cause it's FRIDAY and I don't have to work tonight. lol. YAY!
 

New Job!

Yesterday was my first day at my new job.  It was great!  It was pretty slow, but the kids that came in were good.  They were very creative and entertained themselves... I love those kinds of kids! :)

They are still in the process of finishing the gym so it is still a little crazy.  It's going to be awesome when it is completed! :)  Metal building =no cell service.  As part of my requirement for working there is all employees MUST workout at least TWICE/week at the gym... which is incredible for me... because I can't make excuses anymore! :D


My boss is amazing!  She is super sweet and has such a passion for children!  I think this job is going to turn out to be the best one yet!  I think the Lord has some amazing things planned, I cannot wait to see what they are! 


I still wish my old boss supported me in this decision, or bother speaking to me, or much less even look at me! :-/  It sucks to be completely invisible to her!  It definitely makes me not want to be there or bother doing my job!  Each day that passes, the less and less I want to be there because of the way she has been treating me!  I most definitely miss my morning co-workers and morning members and a few of my favorite kids, but my decision to move on and accept this other job was made so much easier with her reaction to when I told her I was leaving.  She has yet to even ask why I'm leaving, where I'm going or what I'm doing.  It hurts a lot to see her support the other 3 people that are leaving and she doesn't even acknowledge my presence!  I'm pretty sure she will never read this and most likely never know how much this hurts!  I have worked so hard in the past year, I loved that job, most days, and I have done everything she asked me to do... I just don't understand why I am getting the cold shoulder and being completely ignored!  I'm ready to serve my time and be done with me!  Yeah, I know that sounds like a prison sentence, but that is exactly what it feels like when you know you are not want there.  It breaks my heart that I won't see some of those precious kids anymore, but it's time to spread my wings and fly.



Frustrated.  Ready to finish this chapter of my life and turn the page.  Never knew it would hurt this much.... not getting the new job... just the ways turned out with my old one...

I don't even know...

Last night I hung out with the most amazing co-workers I could have ever asked for!!  So much fun!  I don't know why we waited so long to have a night like that.  Dinner, bubbles, talking until midnight.  I will miss these guys soooooo much!!  I hope my new co-workers can just be half as amazing as these 3 are!


I got the WORST possible news EVER last night!!  I wanted a chance to start over, to grow, to change, to turn the page and end that chapter of my life.  But you are like a weight chained to my leg that I have to drag with me every day.  I HATE it!!!  I went to bed angry last night!  I told God that I was mad, mad at him, and I am!  I don't understand why when something amazing comes along there is always that awful thing that comes with it!?  I wanted freedom and happiness... I had all that... until last night!  Why God, WHY?!

Whirlwind

I haven't blogged in a while because there is SO much on my mind I just don't know where to start; so I guess I will start from the beginning.

During Day Camp, some of the ladies were talking about being sore because they had done kickboxing that morning.  I looked up the website to they gym they were talking about and was just browsing around.  They bought out a huge building that they are moving their gym into... I kept looking and came across the childcare description.  It said, "2 'Xtreme Kids' childcare areas... with healthy lifestyle activities only and a WiFi study area; Xtreme Kids program will promote focusing on the importance of health and physical activity starting at a young age.  This really caught my attention, so I decided to send a message to a guy that I knew worked there.  From the information I received it sounded amazing!  So, I decided to apply for the job.  I made a list of all the pros and cons... the pros outweighed the cons.  I was secretly hoping the get the job... but then I started to second guess myself and what I was doing.


I finally got a call and set up an interview.  The lady I had the interview with said that the staff were gonna go through all the applicants interviews and whoever got a call the next day would get a second interview.  I left work on Thursday with that feeling that I did not get the job and I was okay with it.  I got home and I got the call... :) ...She said that she felt confident enough in me and that I did not need a second interview. :)

Before I got the job offered I asked God NOT to open this door if this was not the place that I was supposed to... but He did open the door... and yet I still questioned Him

I was second guessing myself all weekend... praying that I was choosing the wrong thing.  I talked to a lot of people about this decision... they all told me to go for it, take a leap of faith, because if I didn't then I would definitely regret it.

 So, Monday morning I told my boss the situation and it did not go at all like I had hoped or expected.  I will not elaborate on this!


I will miss my co-workers and quite a few of my kids at TMF!  But I am sure that I would have regretted not taking this new job!  This is part of what I want to do with my life.  I will be out of my comfort zone, but you only ever grow as a person when you are out of your comfort zone!  This will get me one step closer to what I want to do with the rest of my life and most people are happy for me and excited about what I'm doing, but there is that one person that didn't even give me the chance to explain or care to hear anything about it. :-/




I'm excited about what the future holds!  But what I'm not so excited about is that for the next 5 weeks I will be working mornings for my new job and working at TMF for the night shift with studying in between.  Needless to say it is going to be INSANE for a while!!




I am sure that I have left something out on this post that I wanted to say, but I cannot remember.  Off to read for class.