Growing up I wasn’t the biggest kid, but I was nowhere near the smallest either. I hated P.E. when we had to play team sports, because I was always picked last and was not good at all. The older I got the more I hated it.
In middle school, all of the students had to be weighed in P.E. I weighed 138lbs. At that time I was still in the middle of not being the biggest and not the smallest. I thought 138lbs was a lot; which at that time it was.
My freshmen year of high school, I was the heaviest I had ever been. I would guess somewhere between 150-160lbs. The second semester of my sophomore year I became and Athletic Trainer. I lost quite a bit of weight, because I was always on the go, so I didn’t have time to eat a whole lot.
Senior year, Haley & I started working out because we want to “get buff” for prom. That is when fitness clicked for me. Even though I had no idea what I was doing, I really enjoyed it.
Every college freshman dreads the “Freshman Fifteen.” Well, mine turned out to be the “Freshman 20/25.”
The second semester of freshmen year, I got a gym membership. (March 2008) I tried out a kickboxing class. The image I had in my head about the instructor was a big, tough looking lady, dressed in camo… well… That wasn’t anything close to who ended up teaching the class… she was short and small, and dressed all in black. I was very much intimidated. The class was amazing! I had never been SO sore in my life! After I could walk again, from being so sore, I went back for more. It was definitely one of my most favorite classes. I started trying the other classes offered, spin and abs. I loved those classes too. I was there as often as I could be.
In January 2009, I joined Weight Watchers. It was a very rocky rollercoaster for me from the start. I lost 20lbs while doing this. I gained a world of confidence. Monica and I wanted to try out the Boot Camp class at the gym. But just by the name of it was I very intimated. One night we gained the courage to go to class. Well, I thought I had. I chickened out… and Angela literally had to come out and get me. So embarrassing, and that story still gets told! That class became my all time favorite! After that first night, she never thought I would come back… to her surprise I came back every week for the next 3 months. I had some knee problems and had to take a break from classes. It killed me to have to do rehab and only be able to watch the classes.
I had to stop Weight Watchers due to financial reasons. 2010 was not a good year for me at all. Once I quit WW, I fell off the wagon… and rolled down the mountain. Since that time I have gain all of the weight I lost back, I stopped working out, and stopped going to church.
I have had a HARD time trying to pick myself back up. I have failed quite miserably. I am currently the heaviest I have ever been and completely ashamed of myself. I weigh 183lbs. I wear a size 14… I was wearing a size 8. I am trying to change my life, but I keep holding myself back & I don’t know why. I WANT to change. I hate the person I have become. I am NOT comfortable at this size.
*I am NOT saying anything against people at this size or bigger. This is about ME not being comfortable with myself! I am trying to change my life to be the person God wants to be.
I am starting this blog because I NEED accountability and LOTS of PRAYER to change my life! I have been trying to do all this on my OWN and have not succeeded!!
I don’t feel beautiful anymore. I have 2 closets FULL of clothes that I can’t wear anymore. I WANT to get back into those clothes! I also want my relationship with the Lord to develop and grow. I want to get back involved with church. I am asking that whoever reads this blog to please pray for me and keep me accountable for my actions and the foods I eat! I am addicted to sweets and have no self-control.
I have finally decided to go back to UT Tyler to continue towards my Bachelors degree. I am majoring in Kinesiology. I want to be in the fitness industry… teaching class/being a personal trainer. But I have no self-confidence anymore. I try to be quiet, and stay in the background. I don’t want to be like this anymore. I want to be loud & proud of myself like I was in 2009 which I had lost the weight and looked amazing.
This summer I taking a weight management and nutrition class… which I am super stoked about. I am also thinking about going back to weight watchers. I need someone to be accountable to. When I was on WW, it was a lot easier to lose weight because I didn’t want to disappoint the staff members weighing me in. But last time I did WW, I didn’t take it seriously… I didn’t make that lifestyle change… I tried the quick fix.
But NOW, this is a passion of mine… some days I don’t feel like it, but I know deep down inside it is. But I need HELP. I need a SUPPORT SYSTEM! Please help me out!
Please feel free to leave comments at anytime!! I need all the encouragement and support I can get!
