Roller Coaster Ride

I have been writing again! :) It is such a wonder feeling! I can finally express emotions, again! It has been a VERY long time time since I have written anything! I have built a very thick, very tall wall that has been up for years & I am just beginning to start tearing it down one brick at a time.

Here is the first poem I have written this year.  A few more to come soon! :)

ROLLER COASTER RIDE

Emotions running with highs and lows…

Twists and turns and decisions to make…

Stomach-churning butterfly kicks…

Headache-inducing stressful situations…

Heart-pumping conversations…

Can’t you see this is hurting her?

Just look, her heart is breaking.

Can’t you see she needs your support?

Just look, this rejection is killing her.

She is strong & can handle anything,

But this is almost too much to bear.

There is so much she can’t say to you.

There is so much she can’t share.

There are so many hints that have been dropped.

And so many hints you failed to pick up.

She tries so hard to be perfect.

She tries so hard to impress.

She couldn’t handle to let you down.

She couldn’t cope to disappoint.

She wants to make you proud.

She wants you to prove she isn’t replaceable.

She worries you don’t see her hard work.

She worries you don’t care.

She is afraid to fall.

She is afraid to fail.

She wants to trust your words.

She wants you to trust her as well.

Drowning in her own insecurities.

She needs help to save her from herself.

She is working even harder now.

To prove you made the right choice.

Her passion is stronger than her fear.

Her journey is just beginning.

She is where she is meant to be.

She wants you to believe in her.

She wants to know how you truly feel.

She wants to tell you all her fears.

Emotions running with highs and lows…

Twists and turns of enthusiastic fate…

Stomach-churning butterfly flutters…

Headache-inducing nerves of excitement…

Heart-pumping passion…

SMH 1/18/14

So much

So much has happened since September!

I was in a Bible study... we went through "The Purple Book." It was incredible! I learned so much and still have so much to finish.  It sparked my passion for the Lord again.

I became the Kennel Manager at work! :D Loving it! It's definitely more work/stress than I imagined but it's still good!

Lots of pointless drama... I wish the people that started it would just disappear out of my life! :-/

My Step Dad past away the beginning of the month! :'(  It sucks, a lot! I realized the importance of family now more than ever! 

I started writing again... I haven't written poems in years.  Through the Bible Study I did I opened up... I feel things again... more deeply than ever! It's a good and bad thing! Maybe I'll share it at some point.

My kids are a hot mess but I love them anyway!!<3

Young & Free

I have always been a good girl and followed all the rules. 

I'm not a bad person & I try not to hurt anyone. 

I have made tons of mistakes & I have learned something from each of them.

As my post, Becoming Me says, I'm not who I used to be.
Daily, I am coming out of my shell and becoming who I want to be,

the person that I am meant to be.

I may not be the little quiet girl that I used to be,

And that's absolutely okay, because I don't like that girl!!
That's not who I want to be!

I may not follow all the rules that I used to,

I'm not the "perfect Christian" who does everything they are supposed to do.

But I'm not a bad person.

That status I posted the other day about wanting/not wanting a tattoo... I still haven't made up my mind.  I'm not one to make a hasty decision... I am very indecisive and cautious... I also weigh the pros and cons of all situations.

But for once in my life I want to just go out and do something!
Something a just little crazy. 
Something that no one would ever think that I would do.
Without questioning it.
Without caring what anyone else has to say.

And yet that other side of my brain is saying...
Is this something you really want,

something you want for the rest of your life.

All the tattoos I have thought about getting are Christian/Bible Verse related or animal related... 2 very important things in my life!

These are two of the ones I looked at (starting off)... lol. I have TOO many favorite Bible verses!! :)

1. Paw print... because my passion is animals. Probably on my ankle/foot area.
2. And strength to remind me that I am a strong person & have been to hell and back & survived.  I love that it is in white because it fits me so well... I have a quiet strength about me.  I don't ask for help when need to but I've made it this far.  I like the placement as well.